A Beautiful Secret
by Shi no Miwaku
Summary: AU. When L finally knew about Light's secret, it pretty much turned him on. Lemon.
1. Chapter 1

**A Beautiful Secret**

**Genre:** Romance, Hurt/Comfort.

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, Death Note is not mine.

**Pairing**: L/Light

**Rating:** NC17

**Summary**: AU. When L finally knew about Light's secret, it pretty much turned him on. Lemon.

**Warnings**: Intersex!Light. Very long and very explicit sex scenes involved.

**AN:** Well, this is my first attempt on DN fandom. Written for kink meme. It gets much longer than I original planned O.O Um, about three or four chapters than just a smutty oneshot. There'll be some graphic yaoi later on and it will be very explicit, because whenever I write a sex scene, it's always really, _really_ long. So read at your own risk.

Also, this is unbetaed and unchecked so please feel free to point out any mistake you find.

Thanks!

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><p><strong>-<strong>000**-**

L and Light were starting in on their seven solid month of dating. Everything was amazing, L mused as he silently admired the boy sitting next to him, who was cheerfully talking about the movie they were watching. They had just finished a difficult case after nearly two weeks of hark work, and now they finally had time for each other at L's apartment – which was nine floors above the task force area. Light had moved to live in the same floor with L since they started to date, though sometimes when the detective had a case that really needed to put more efforts, Light would stay to help him, with a separate bedroom that was prepared just for him. L had chosen to stay in Japan, where he had a smart, beautiful boy to love - the first one and only one he ever loved - and let him know the romantic aspects of a serious relationship. L had smiled and laughed more in the last few months than he had in…years. Maybe his entire life. He felt happy, and lucky for have such an perfect lover, whom he had decided to live with for the rest of his life.

But what had never occurred to him was how much pleasure he would get from the more physical side of things. It wasn't that he had not experienced it before. He had had sex with both men and women, even though all of them was just one night stands and nothing else. He knew well about sex, just as everything. But he had occasionally wondered about how he might react to be involved into sexual situations with the one he loved. He knew Light was a virgin, despite the brunette seemed so confident about everything and sure of himself, he was still a pure, virgin boy. He really didn't surprised at all when Light revealed that to him, because he was still so young, and L was the only person he ever wanted to spend his time with. The problem was, L was starting to feel like things weren't progressing fast enough. And he had thought about it more frequently_,_ particularly when Light turned eighteen one month ago.

Light was beautiful, and tempting too. His touches and kisses felt so intense, they made L felt warm, alive with energy and desire. But he wanted more. He wanted to go further with Light. After all, they were in love for haft a year, and now Light had become a legal adult, so it was the time to do something different, not just kissing, grinding or heated but still so frustrating make-out sessions when they were alone.

L's mind had never been quite so…dirty before. Whenever he was really sexually-frustrated, he always had Light to think about as he pleasured himself, just never anything as specific as the actual act of sex, or more exactly, sex with Light. However, his fantasies had started to revolve around how sexy Light would look in a completely naked state with his legs spreading wide, how good it would taste to put his mouth on Light's penis, or how hot it would feel to be buried inside that beautiful, young body. It was driving him crazy.

So L had decided to take the initiative and made the first move. They were still sitting on the couch together, after a while Light cuddled closer to him and lay his head on L's shoulder, and that was when paying any attention to the movie became very, very difficult. Because really, how could he resist when he had a warm body leaning against him, with his pretty face, his clean, sweet scent, and rosy lips just begging to be kissed? And with that, he leaned down and took Light's chin, captured his lips in a chaste, gentle kiss, which was becoming all too familiar and natural to them. He felt Light smiling happily against his mouth before wrapping his arms around L's neck to deepen the kiss, and all those simple things were so lovely and sweet that just made L loved him more, and wanted him more, too.

Soon they ended up lying on the couch, still kissing, their legs intertwined as their mouths moving together like they'd been starving for it, with passion and desire rising in every second. Light's slender fingers twisted at the older man's black hairs and caressed his back, his shoulders, moving from one place to the other in a desperate motion as L's tongue dancing feverishly with his own, making him pant, trembling, and their mixed saliva was beginning to leak out from the corner of his swollen lips.

"_Haah…Mm_.." The brunette moaned breathlessly as L broke the long kiss to trail down his neck before latching his mouth on a cloth-covered nipple. He heard Light let out a shaking moan of 'Oh God Ryuuzaki' as he grazed the pert little nub with his teeth through the thin fabric and sucked it into his mouth, while one of his hand quickly unbuttoned a few of the top buttons on Light's shirt.

"You are beautiful…" L whispered huskily as he pulled the shirt to one side, enough to reveal a little expanse of the boy's creamy flawless skin and a pink hard nipple that was just pleading to be devoured. They had done this before - not so often though – making out with a shirtless Light, and occasionally when both of them were too caught up in passion's fire to do anything, they would rut against each other until they came in their pants. But this time L wanted to try something new. As he flicked his tongue over the round bud and sucking on it, the boy just got lost to the sensation, moaning and bucking beneath him. He could feel Light's erection, hot and hard and straining against his own. Everything was perfect.

"_Nnngh..Haa_..R-Ryuu..zaki?" The boy breathed heavily, digging his fingernails into the man's shoulder as L's cool hands slipped under his shirt to roam over his bare skin, his mouth still sucking on Light's abused nipple. The teen had never let him kiss lower than his chest, and his hands had never been allowed to go lower than his belly. But this was the moment to take the next step. He started moving one hand down Light's side, past his rib cage, over his waist, but right when his palm wandered to the boy's inner thigh, Light grabbed his wrist before he could even find and touch his erection. Just like other times before.

"Not…not there…" Light panted as the detective tried to move his hand back down again, causing L to pull back from his chest to look into his eyes.

_"Why?"_ He studied Light's face, watching his chest moved as he breathed deeply, "You are eighteen now, Light…We have waited for this, haven't we?"

"Y-yes…" Light's lips were swollen, his cheeks flushed pink and his eyes lids were still drowsy with arousal, but there was a hint of something, something nervous and panic in those melting eyes. "But I…I can't—" L kissed him again before Light could finish his sentence.

"No intercourse yet, I promise. All I want just to touch you and taste you. It will feel good…" L whispered against the boy's lips.

"I know. But…_please…_I can't, Ryuuzaki. Just…can't. I'm sorry…" The expression on Light's face was…hurt. He turned his head to the side, and his tears was ready to seep over the curves of long lashes. It was so heartbreaking to see him like this. And L immediately cursed himself for pushing Light into this situation, for pressuring him into something he didn't want.

"It's ok...You haven't done anything wrong at all… I'm sorry for putting pressure on you…" L gently placed a kiss on Light's cheek and helped him sit up before wrapping his arms around the boy, just hugging him. Light trembled in his arms as he couldn't hold back any longer and sobbed painfully into L's chest. God, how could he do that to his lover? L couldn't help but felt a guilty feeling swelling in his chest at the thought. Something was _terribly wrong_ and for the first time in his life, L had no clue about it. But Light had enjoyed what they just did just a minute ago, right? He knew it, not just because what Light said, but he could feel it too. Then…_why? _

As tentatively as he could, L lifted the boy's chin up to meet his gaze, "Can I know why?"

"I can't..I...I don't know how to say about it…Please...I don't want you to hate me…" Light managed to say.

"How can I hate you, Light?" The detective said softly. "Tell me the reason," he took another breath before continued quietly, "Did I do something make you uncomfortable? Or it's because…you don't really want me, do you?"

"God no!…It's not that…L…I _do_ want you," Light cupped his face and looked up at him, his eyes fulled of tears. "Please believe me…I love you and really want to go all the way with you. I want you so much…" Light nearly choked on his words, "But I…can't. It's not your fault at all, I swear…It's just…just…"

"Shh…hush now, love…" L gently wiped the boy's tears away with his thumbs and hugged him tightly again. This was the first time since they met each other that he saw Light so…vulnerable. And so broken. It made his heart aching like it was being squeezed from inside, and he couldn't stand it anymore.

"It's all right, please calm down baby…" L soothed and stroked his soft hair. "Let's not think about it right now, okay?"

"I'm sorry..." Light muttered under his breath, "...I-I will tell you soon. I promise."

"Don't worry. I can wait until you're ready to tell me." The detective whispered and kissed his forehead before looking deep into Light's eyes. "Whatever it is, you don't have to deal with it alone. I love you, Light. No matter what happens, it will never change. Never. Do you understand?"

The amber in the boy's eyes seemed to melt at his words. He mumbled a soft 'yes' and leaned in to plant his lips on L's.

They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other close as if never wanting to let go until Light fell asleep in L's embrace. They could work it out together, whatever the problem was, L told himself as he watched the peaceful, angelic expression on his lover's face.

Yes, everything will be alright.

(TBC)

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><p>AN: I'm working on next chapter now (some smexy fun, I guess...) Thanks for reading and please review!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello, I'm back! Sorry for the long wait, this took me forever. I didn't expect so much support from you guys, especially for a PWP story. **

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, faved and followed!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Both of them didn't mention about what happened that night for the next entire week. They continued to make-out sometimes, and those sessions were still hot and felt really good, but L couldn't help but felt a little more confusing than before, because now he knew they wouldn't go into anything deeper. It would be lying if L said he wasn't frustrated, because he _was_. Every time touching Light set his blood on fire and made him want to rip all of his clothes off to see every beautiful part of Light's body, and then, wishfully, take the boy right where they were. But whenever things were getting hot-and-heavy Light would stop him and pull away, and all he could do was pretend that everything was just fine and ignored the throbbing beneath his jeans.

On other hand, L was very sure that Light pretty much enjoyed what they had done so far and be aroused as much as he was. He could tell by the sounds Light made, the way he grinded his hips into L so desperately, trying to get some friction onto his groin. At which time L's hand was itched to reach down and groped at the boy's crotch, but he couldn't. He didn't want to freak his lover out again.

L had considered many possibilities as to why Light was so afraid of being touched at his private parts. At first he thought it was just because the boy was still a virgin and inexperience in this matter so maybe he was…shy or something. But just looking at the way Light reacted to him it was obvious that the brunette wanted to be touched there, very much so, not to mention that Light had admitted himself he really wanted to have sex with L.

In the worst case, maybe Light had been sexually attacked in the past and now he was going through some kind of post-traumatic stress thing. The thought bothered L so much in the past few days, it made his heart hurt to think that maybe something very bad had happened to Light, and he just didn't know anything about it, and couldn't do anything about it neither.

On the tenth day though, L decided he needed to talk to Light. He really wanted to give his lover more time, but his patience had reached its limit. He waited until everyone had gone home, leaving just Light and him in the empty office room. But as if the boy could read his mind, Light was the one who broke the silence first before L could find his words.

"I have to tell you something, L…" The boy said softly. He refused to look at L, and his voice was slightly trembling. "C-can we go to upstairs?...I want to talk..."

"Sure. I'm right here with you." L stood up then took Light's hand, "Come on, follow me."

They headed for the elevator that led up straight into L's suite. The whole journey was silent. The walk wasn't too long but they were hand in hand the whole time, even when they went in. L led Light to the bedroom, closed the door behind them then proceeded to sit on the silk bed next to him.

"I'm sorry for always denying you," the teen started slowly. "It is not because I'm not comfortable with it or because I don't want us to go further. I just..." Light took a deep breath before continued, "…if I let you, you'd never look at me the same way again because I…_God_...I'm-I'm not like...normal boys…"

"Light? What do you mean?" The detective asked, looking at the boy who still wouldn't catch his eyes.

"It's a secret I haven't told anyone…I want to tell you but I… I don't know how you'd react." Light murmured.

The brunette scrunched his eyes closed, horrified, and tried to shrink away from L, who stopped him immediately with a strong, reassuring hold on his waist and pulled him closer. "You know you can tell me _anything_. I would never judge you, or hold it against you," L said, "Just tell me."

"It's about my body…i-it's really strange, it's a part of me and-" Light said weakly, his tears started forming in his honey eyes, threatened to spill over. "I was born with it…A-And it is not normal, Ryuuzaki. I don't know what you would think if you saw it or figured it out… You might be turned off, or grossed out and you'd think I'm some kind of _monster_…And I-I _hate_ it and…"

Out of all of the things Light could have said, this wasn't what L was anticipating. What could possibly be so life changing about seeing Light naked? He couldn't quite figure it out because he could never imagine thinking of Light as anything other than the drop dead gorgeous boy that he was.

"Wait, so is this why you've been holding out? You're not freaking out from me touching you and none of this is my fault right?" L asked, rather impatiently. When he received a nod he mentally let out a relief sigh. So the matter was not about L, but still he couldn't tell what the problem could be. "What is your reason, exactly?"

Light let out a soft sigh and bit his lower lip. Whatever was the reason, he really seemed distressed about it and L couldn't figure out what could possibly be such a big deal.

"I…" the boy gulp down nervously before muttered, "I'm…I'm an _intersex_."

"…_what?_" L asked before he could stop himself because he wanted to be sure that he heard right.

Light was practically folded in on himself against the headboard of the bed now, like he was trying to disappear, his body looked so small while a blush crept up his cheeks. His body tensed. He was about to panic, because _of course_ L was going to freak out because there was _no way_-

But then he repeated it anyway, voice louder this time but even more ashamed sounding. "I'm an intersex, Ryuuzaki…"

It was over. He knew how their relationship would end, L would think he was disgusting and weird and an abomination and would run away from him…

L just blinked. _Intersex._ _Hermaphrodite._ He vaguely recalled hearing the term before but wouldn't quite be able to define it if he had to. He knew they existed, just very rare, and he himself never saw one. But he looked at Light and could only see him as a boy - it was true that his features were somewhat softer and girly but he was still a boy, a boy with his Adam's apple and his penis – which was always straining in his pants whenever they made out. "You mean you have…?"

"…Yes." The boy whispered. "I…have…_both parts_…down there."

There was silence then. L really had no idea what to think. The teen didn't seem to be lying, but there just was not any way this was true.

"…I don't know how this could be true," L finally replied, shaking his head. Apparently most other words were failing him right now.

"I'd understand if you want to break up," Light suddenly said, resignation in his tone, like that was exactly what Light _was_ expecting. There was a small, hopeless, terrible smile on the boy's face and it was enough to snap L out of his shocked stupor.

"_What?_" L almost regretted the word as soon as it was out of his mouth because the moment he blurted it out, he suddenly understood _everything_. The reason for why Light had always rejected him, and why he was so afraid to be touched at his private parts. Just because he had a _vagina_?

"I know I should tell you sooner, but...I..I…" Light finally looked up at L, and now his tears was flowing down his cheeks. The boy didn't just look embarrassed, he looked... miserable, and a bit scared as well. "I'm sorry for being so selfish, but I really love you and I don't want to lose y—"

L immediately cut him off with his lips before Light could even finish his sentence. One of his arm wrapped around Light's waist while the other kept his head in place as he kissed Light deep and hard, and the boy just couldn't do anything else but gasping in surprise.

After a moment, L pulled back to let Light catch his breath and looked into his widen eyes.

"Shh, don't say that. I never want to break up with you." L looked deep into the amber eyes and wiped the tears that kept on falling from his eyelids. "How can I do that when I love you so much? I love you because you are you and nobody else. You're still the same person I fell in love with. I don't care anything else."

"Ryuuzaki…" The teen was practically speechless. He had always considered himself as a freak and always scared of how L would react to his biggest secret. But L's words was totally unexpected.

"But you've not ever seen it." Light muttered, not meeting L's eyes. "It's not normal. I'm not exactly what you want, Ryuuzaki…And you don't even like _girls_…"

"Look at me." L tipped his chin up, whispering. "You are everything I ever want, Light. I want you, all of you. And yes I don't like girls but I told you I had had sex with woman, quite a lot. Because they were all just one-time things and I don't care about them. But you are not the same to me. I love you no matter what you are, I just love you and only you. Why won't you _believe_ me? You're the hottest, sexiest person I ever met, and it's driving me crazy that I just can't touch you because I_ really_ do—"

"You are too nice to me, Ryuuzaki, " The boy interrupted him. "I appreciate the fact that my secret hasn't freaked you out, but you don't have to…_pretend_ you will like it for my sake…" He glanced at L and found him staring, as if what he just said was the most ridiculous thing in the world. The man's expression was…hurtful to say the least, and it made Light feel so stupid for saying such a thing to his lover. _"L?"_

The older man closed his eyes, sucked a deep breath like it took all of his energy to be so patient, then opened them again. "Yeah I'm not going to lie and say I was expecting this. Parts of it are going to be different than I'd planned, but sex is supposed to make you feel good, right? It's the most important thing to me." He cupped Light's face in his hands, locking his gaze with him. "Of course I don't want to do anything you're not comfortable with. I will never pressure you into anything. But you need to know that I am not uncomfortable with _any part of you_, so don't ever think that I don't want you. Do I make myself clear?"

"L…" the teen breathed out softly, and when he finally met L's eyes again, they were shining with happy tears and trust. It was obvious that Light had deeply ashamed of himself. The poor boy had probably spent his entire life thinking that he was a freak and nobody would want him. But for now no more words needed to be spoken between them, because Light believed him and that was enough for L.

Once again, the older man closed the last bit of distance between their mouths and kissed Light, this time deep, slow and sweet as if the teen was the most precious thing ever existed in his life. When he finally pulled away, Light was slightly panting. Tears were still glistening in his eyes, but there was also a soft, hopeful smile tugging at his lips.

"I love you, " Light said and finally curling into L's arms completely.

"I love you too." L smiled and hugged him tighter, content to cuddle with the boy for the rest of the night. There were a lot of questions he wanted to ask. But right now Light needed him. About twenty minutes passed in near silence and they just laid there on the bed, both not making an effort to move or really make a move either. It was comfortable, warm, and L was just thinking that a nap together might sound nice when he heard Light saying something.

"You don't have to do anything for me," the boy murmured, trying to sound casual as he nuzzled closer to the crook of L's neck. "I can use my mouth on you, and we still could have anal sex if you want…"

"What do you mean, exactly?" L frowned, slightly confused.

It took a moment before Light replied, voice back to being low and embarrassed. "You don't have to touch it. Maybe you don't mind looking at it but you still don't have to touch it. It's okay. Just pretend it's not there…"

"Light, it's a part of you. How can you be so sure I don't want to touch it?" L dragged long, firms strokes across Light's back to make him feel safe, to reassure him that he was there for his young lover. "Because I think about you all the time. I want to touch and taste every inch of your body, I want to do it so bad. That's not going to change."

"A-Are you sure?" Light asked, looking up at the detective, he seemed to be relaxing slightly.

"Of course I am. But only if you are comfortable with it." L said firmly and then, "You might not even get aroused there, right?" It was taking all of his will power to ask.

The young boy worried his lower lip between his teeth. He opened his mouth but realized he didn't know what to say, so he shut it again. After quite a long, silent moment, he nodded. "I…_do_," Light finally said, his face practically on fire. L noticed the boy squirmed a little as a flush coloring his pretty cheeks. "When I'm aroused I get hard…and get wet there, too…"

"That means…you could have two orgasms?" L's voice was slightly husky and he realized he was becoming hard just from talking about it. He knew that Light's cock worked. So in theory, he could totally be able to give Light two climaxes at the same time. Possibilities were flooding his head of all the ways he could make the boy come over and over. He really wanted to try that.

"I don't know. I've only ever come from my penis. I just ignore…anything else, and wait for it to go away." Light answered quietly, his face warmed up even more.

"It would feel good if I touched you there, right?" the older man whispered tentatively, his eyes never left Light's.

The teen deliberated for a moment, as if he was thinking about it, and then nodded, delicately.

"_Then let me_." L said, the words sounding almost desperate.

"Ryuuzaki, I…"

"You have no idea how much it means to me that you trust me enough to let me know about your secret," L continued, gently stroking a hand down Light's back as his lover nearly froze in his arms. "Of course I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to. I just want to show you that I mean it when I say I don't care, that I really want to touch you and want to make you feel good. But I'm okay if you need some time before you let me do it to you."

"Okay," Light said after a while, his head was buried in L's chest, and it was completely adorable that he was still shy about this. "Just…not tonight. Please give me a little more time."

"Sure, baby. We won't go for anything before you are actually ready for it." L promised.

"Thank you," Light smiled softly, looking up at L. "Maybe…this weekend? Because we still have some cases to work on. Is that okay?"

"That sounds perfect." L stroked the boy's cheek and pulled him in for a chaste kiss. _Until next time._

_-TBC-_

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><p>Thanks for reading. Reviews are love!<p>

**The next chapter will have smut!**


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